Promises Today

Hello Peeps!

How have you all been? It’s been ages since I last wrote on my blog. 4 months! That’s just terrible… I guess it’s because I started this blog to share my cancer treatment story with friends, relatives and anyone else that it might help. I have had a few medical bits and pieces happen since all the treatment ended in September 2010, some of which are still ongoing, but mostly my life is back to it’s crazy/busy self!

The one medical thing I will mention is my gynaecology stuff. I told you in my previous blog that I went to a gyno in July. Well, Djerk and I took a good 3 months to discuss, pray about and research into Novasure. It’s medical term is endometrial ablation – basically burning out the inside of my womb. This would mean that getting pregnant would be extremely dangerous, but as Djerk and I have our two wonderful boys we thought that this wouldn’t be an issue. So, after lots of deliberation, we decided that Novasure was the way forward, the way to ensure that the risk of cancer was reduced.

A couple of weeks ago I went to see my gyno again and we said “we’re ready, let’s do it”. At this point we weren’t expecting the following words. “I think ablation might be a little too extreme in your case”. Wow. Ok. Hang on… Didn’t this gyno tell us that Novasure was a good idea, as the lining of my womb was very thick!? Now he says that the thickness is actually within “normal parameters”. Djerk and I looked at each other in disbelief. I was on the edge of tears as it had been a hec of a decision to make, to allow someone to burn out my insides!!! Meh. Anyway, after that he said that a time of monitoring was the best course of action. I had another scan that day and he saw that the lining was indeed still thick. The other thing he saw baffled him a bit. I had a black blob on the screen, which means fluid. He then proceeded to ask what contraception we were using! Eeeeeeek! We hastily told him that Djerk had been snipped! (sorry honey for just telling the world that… But I am telling them about my insides…) Sorry peeps, hope this isn’t getting too much for you. I guess my reason for telling my story is so that if something like this ever happens to you, or someone you love, then you can say that you know someone has been there, done that, got the jolly t-shirt. I’d be more than happy to chat with you if you are going through similar stuff.

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, he then said that fluid in the uterus could be various things, one of which is pregnancy! Another was blood – period blood. He asked if I was having a period at the time. No was the answer. This seemed to confuse him a bit and it seemed that he wasn’t quite sure what to say next! I’m “special” is usually what I answer with. Well, the fact is I am special, but not because weird medical things are always occurring in my body, but because I am a princess! Yes, you heard it folks, I’m a daughter of the King. I have been told by so many doctors, specialists and others that I’m a “special case” – rare cancers, unexplained reactions etc – I accepted that and it became my identity. So much so that on the playground this afternoon I said to one of the mums that I didn’t want to go to the docs (I’ve been feeling a bit dizzy, tired and drained recently) because I was afraid of what they would find. Wow! Can’t believe I really said that. Fear?! Fear of cancer?! Fear of death?! Well, right now, publicly on my very own blog I am saying NO to fear. No more!! This verse means so much to me:

There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first. – 1 John 4:18 The Message

So peeps, I chose love. God’s love. Did I ever tell you, I’m a Daddy’s girl! Yup, I was such a Daddy’s girl when I was little. I love my Daddy with all my heart – Alan Cass, you are the best Daddy in the world!! Now, did I ever tell you that I’m also a Daddy’s girl? Confused? Yeah, you might be. Let’s put it differently I’m Abba Father’s girl. My heavenly Daddy. God. Yup, he’s my Dad! Ever seen one of those films where some guy does something truly amazing and from the sidelines there comes a little voice “that’s my Dad!” – that’s me! At the moment I am watching from the back of the car, playing games, looking out of the window, having an incredible time as God drives the car. (thanks to Dad for that one) God is doing some amazing things around the world. I want to immerse myself in it. Immerse myself in Him so that I am surrounded, filled with and swimming in perfect love. And love drives out fear. So there! Fear, you hear that?! No more! Ha! (after writing this and reading through I realised that my title for this blog was “Oh here we go again…” but I’ve now changed that to “Nothing is gonna hold me back!”)

Ok, sorry, tangent! Anyway, I’m due to go back to the gyno once I’ve had my next period and if the lining hasn’t gone down to around 2mm then something isn’t right and he’ll look into it. Great. Waiting for a period. Anyone out there reading this that knows me well is going to know that I’m not the most patient person in the world. Well, Jesus is the Prince of Peace, so I’ll be immersing myself in Him too. 🙂

Oh and I’ll be recruiting soon for next year’s Race for Life! I’m going to beat my time of 5 kms in 57 minutes. Anyone fancy it? Lemme know.

Ok, I’m going to leave you with two things. One is this link Father’s Heart Conference – our church Bethany Community Church hosted a conference in October. It was incredible. Lots of revelation on who the Father really is and the absolute freedom that is available to us. Please go listen to the mp3’s. Awesome stuff.

The other thing is: NOTHING is gonna hold me back!!