Promises Today

Hi peeps,

Wow, what a week I’ve had. I had some good news and some not so good news. Will start with the good.

I’m freeeeeeeeeeeee! I was discharged from the Lister Hospital on Thursday last week in regards to my first cancer (acinic cell carcinoma in parotid gland). This means that it’s over! I don’t need to worry about check ups or scans anymore. I won’t miss the build up to those appointments, the fear that this will be the moment they find that it’s come back. I will still need to be vigilent about checking my neck for any lumps and bumps, but I’m definitely celebrating the end of that particular journey. Thank you Lord for getting me through!

The not so good news was my apointment with my gyno this evening. My period came on Thursday and was very light so I made an appointment for today to have another scan. Basically there is no change, even after bleeding, there is still a thick lining in there. He also noticed that my ovaries are still very much active and I should actually be in the middle of my cycle, not having just bled. Weird. So, I’m not actually having a normal period at all. He called it intermenstrual bleeding. This means that Tamoxifen is likely mucking about with my cycles. There’s nothing sinister going on, it all looks healthy but it’s just not normal. I now have 2 choices, either I am monitored every few weeks to keep an eye on what happens and see if a pattern develops or I have an ablation procedure to burn it all out and make it all go away. My gyno is going to call my oncologist (Dr Shah, absolutely adore him!) to ask his opinion on the whole thing. He will then call me to discuss the 2 options. I’m also going to call Dr Shah and see what he thinks.

I was so disappointed to hear that things weren’t back to normal. I’ve had some mighty warriors praying for me over the last
few weeks and months. I wanted my healing. I was contending for it. I even dreamed about it. I had a dream that I went to the appointment and was told all was normal. Sigh…

But God.

So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever. – 2 Corinthians 4:16

My incredible friend Sonya Chitty advised me to take my disappointment to God and say “hey Dad, this sucks.” It’s ok to say things like that to God. He’s Dad. He knows! Her equally incredible hubby Neil Chitty said “He is on the throne and is in control.” I just love that we are surrounded by such amazing people. I have some wonderful friends all over the world, most of them have been praying for me since all this started. Father, thank you for my friends. Thank you also for my family. I will be rounding off the week with a trip to London (I miss working in London…) for a spa afternoon! Then Refresh Your Christmas is on Friday evening. Refresh is the BethanyCC women’s ministry. Can’t wait to serve the girlies on Friday and also get a go in the hot tub!! Wahoo!

So, a week with ups and downs for sure. But this is what I’m standing in. This is what I’m believing in.

So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us — who was raised to life for us! — is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, NOT CANCER (I added that one!), not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: “They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.” None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing — nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable — absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. Romans 8:31

I’ll keep you posted on my progress. 🙂
H
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Hello Peeps!

How have you all been? It’s been ages since I last wrote on my blog. 4 months! That’s just terrible… I guess it’s because I started this blog to share my cancer treatment story with friends, relatives and anyone else that it might help. I have had a few medical bits and pieces happen since all the treatment ended in September 2010, some of which are still ongoing, but mostly my life is back to it’s crazy/busy self!

The one medical thing I will mention is my gynaecology stuff. I told you in my previous blog that I went to a gyno in July. Well, Djerk and I took a good 3 months to discuss, pray about and research into Novasure. It’s medical term is endometrial ablation – basically burning out the inside of my womb. This would mean that getting pregnant would be extremely dangerous, but as Djerk and I have our two wonderful boys we thought that this wouldn’t be an issue. So, after lots of deliberation, we decided that Novasure was the way forward, the way to ensure that the risk of cancer was reduced.

A couple of weeks ago I went to see my gyno again and we said “we’re ready, let’s do it”. At this point we weren’t expecting the following words. “I think ablation might be a little too extreme in your case”. Wow. Ok. Hang on… Didn’t this gyno tell us that Novasure was a good idea, as the lining of my womb was very thick!? Now he says that the thickness is actually within “normal parameters”. Djerk and I looked at each other in disbelief. I was on the edge of tears as it had been a hec of a decision to make, to allow someone to burn out my insides!!! Meh. Anyway, after that he said that a time of monitoring was the best course of action. I had another scan that day and he saw that the lining was indeed still thick. The other thing he saw baffled him a bit. I had a black blob on the screen, which means fluid. He then proceeded to ask what contraception we were using! Eeeeeeek! We hastily told him that Djerk had been snipped! (sorry honey for just telling the world that… But I am telling them about my insides…) Sorry peeps, hope this isn’t getting too much for you. I guess my reason for telling my story is so that if something like this ever happens to you, or someone you love, then you can say that you know someone has been there, done that, got the jolly t-shirt. I’d be more than happy to chat with you if you are going through similar stuff.

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, he then said that fluid in the uterus could be various things, one of which is pregnancy! Another was blood – period blood. He asked if I was having a period at the time. No was the answer. This seemed to confuse him a bit and it seemed that he wasn’t quite sure what to say next! I’m “special” is usually what I answer with. Well, the fact is I am special, but not because weird medical things are always occurring in my body, but because I am a princess! Yes, you heard it folks, I’m a daughter of the King. I have been told by so many doctors, specialists and others that I’m a “special case” – rare cancers, unexplained reactions etc – I accepted that and it became my identity. So much so that on the playground this afternoon I said to one of the mums that I didn’t want to go to the docs (I’ve been feeling a bit dizzy, tired and drained recently) because I was afraid of what they would find. Wow! Can’t believe I really said that. Fear?! Fear of cancer?! Fear of death?! Well, right now, publicly on my very own blog I am saying NO to fear. No more!! This verse means so much to me:

There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first. – 1 John 4:18 The Message

So peeps, I chose love. God’s love. Did I ever tell you, I’m a Daddy’s girl! Yup, I was such a Daddy’s girl when I was little. I love my Daddy with all my heart – Alan Cass, you are the best Daddy in the world!! Now, did I ever tell you that I’m also a Daddy’s girl? Confused? Yeah, you might be. Let’s put it differently I’m Abba Father’s girl. My heavenly Daddy. God. Yup, he’s my Dad! Ever seen one of those films where some guy does something truly amazing and from the sidelines there comes a little voice “that’s my Dad!” – that’s me! At the moment I am watching from the back of the car, playing games, looking out of the window, having an incredible time as God drives the car. (thanks to Dad for that one) God is doing some amazing things around the world. I want to immerse myself in it. Immerse myself in Him so that I am surrounded, filled with and swimming in perfect love. And love drives out fear. So there! Fear, you hear that?! No more! Ha! (after writing this and reading through I realised that my title for this blog was “Oh here we go again…” but I’ve now changed that to “Nothing is gonna hold me back!”)

Ok, sorry, tangent! Anyway, I’m due to go back to the gyno once I’ve had my next period and if the lining hasn’t gone down to around 2mm then something isn’t right and he’ll look into it. Great. Waiting for a period. Anyone out there reading this that knows me well is going to know that I’m not the most patient person in the world. Well, Jesus is the Prince of Peace, so I’ll be immersing myself in Him too. 🙂

Oh and I’ll be recruiting soon for next year’s Race for Life! I’m going to beat my time of 5 kms in 57 minutes. Anyone fancy it? Lemme know.

Ok, I’m going to leave you with two things. One is this link Father’s Heart Conference – our church Bethany Community Church hosted a conference in October. It was incredible. Lots of revelation on who the Father really is and the absolute freedom that is available to us. Please go listen to the mp3’s. Awesome stuff.

The other thing is: NOTHING is gonna hold me back!!